Maybe you’ve dreamed of a huge wedding since you were a little girl. The Cinderella dress, the grand entrance, everyone you love there to celebrate – you wanted the whole thing. But now you’re engaged, and an elopement sounds pretty darn tempting.
You still want the dress, obviously. You’re just less sure about the crowd, the cost and how much of your engagement you want to spend organising it all. Does that mean the big wedding dream has changed? Maybe. Or maybe there are parts you still love and others you’d happily skip.
Here are a few questions to ask yourselves to help figure out whether an elopement or a big wedding feels right for you.
What parts of a big wedding do you actually want?
Before you give up the ballroom, think about what you’ve always loved about that big wedding dream. Is it the chance to wear something spectacular? You can do that anywhere. A sweeping train on the steps of a little Italian town hall? Absolutely.
But perhaps it’s your dad walking you down the aisle or that first dance with everyone gathered around. Those moments involve people you might genuinely miss. Work out which details you could happily take with you on your elopement and which experiences depend on having your loved ones there.
How do you feel about being the centre of attention?
Some brides can’t wait for their grand entrance. Others would happily skip straight to the married part if it meant avoiding a hundred pairs of eyes.
If you’re naturally private, an elopement gives you space to say your vows without worrying about how you look and sound. You can cry, laugh or need a minute without feeling watched.
However, wedding nerves don’t necessarily mean you want a tiny ceremony. You might feel nervous walking down the aisle and still love every minute of the reception. Think about the whole day before letting one uncomfortable moment decide for you.
Where would you rather spend the money?
Now for the conversation that can change everything. Would you rather host a brilliant dinner for your favourite people, spend a week somewhere on your bucket list or put a deposit down on a house?
An elopement can reduce spending on meals, drinks and rentals, giving you more freedom elsewhere. Perhaps that means a suite with a terrace, an incredible photographer or simply keeping more money in your savings.
Still, get quotes before assuming smaller means cheaper. Flights and a private villa can add up rather quickly. Compare realistic budgets, then ask which one you’d feel good about paying for after the excitement settles.
Who would you wish was standing beside you?
This question can bring a surprisingly quick answer. Think about turning around just after the ceremony – whose face would you look for?
If getting married without your mum or your closest friends feels wrong, listen to that. An elopement doesn’t have to mean leaving absolutely everyone at home. A handful of guests might give you the privacy you want without the absence you’d struggle with.
Meanwhile, be clear about the difference between wanting someone there and worrying they’ll be offended. Otherwise, six guests can become 60 before you’ve booked lunch.
Are you both excited about the same wedding?
Perhaps you’re ready to book two plane tickets while your partner has already mentally chosen the reception playlist. Neither preference should disappear just because one person feels more strongly.
Talk about what’s behind each choice. Someone who wants a big wedding might really want family time. Someone suggesting you elope might want less pressure rather than complete privacy.
From there, you’ve got options: private vows before a larger reception, a small ceremony followed by dinner or a celebration at home after marrying abroad. Just price the whole plan. Two events can mean two sets of expenses.
Would you still make an occasion of it?
Choosing an elopement doesn’t mean you have to tone down the excitement. Book the hair appointment, carry the flowers and wear the shoes you’re slightly obsessed with.
You’ll still want help with the practical details. A trusted local wedding planner can explain ceremony requirements and arrange a weather backup. A photographer who knows the area can suggest beautiful locations without spending your afternoon driving between them.
And book something lovely for afterwards. You’ve just gotten married – that deserves a dinner reservation worth dressing up for, even if you’re already wearing the best outfit of your life.
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