Of all the things that come with wedding planning, writing the speeches may be the most agonizing. What do you say? How long do I speak? Should it be funny or heartfelt? If you’re making wedding speeches a part of your big day, we’ve got you covered. Here, Vivian Vassos gets some good advice from writer Heidi Ellert-McDermott and her new book.
“When it comes to wedding speeches, most people are novices, so it’s no surprise you need help,” writes Heidi Ellert-McDermott in the introduction to her new book, The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches: How to Write and Deliver an Unforgettable Toast. Before founding UK-based Speechy Wedding Speeches (speechy.com), Ellert-McDermott was a TV writer/producer/director, but it was the high praise and positive reaction she received after the delivery of her own bridal speech that prompted the move. “And, even if you’re a ‘seasoned pro,’” she adds, “this book can still help you improve on your efforts.”
The advice Ellert-McDermott gives is universal: it doesn’t assume you’re male, straight, have a questionable sense of humour or are incapable of having a unique thought, she writes. Though, if that is the case, it will help you with at least two of those, she adds. “This book is for any couple who knows a great wedding speech is worth investing in; the 60-year-old ones, the childhood sweethearts (it happens), the traditional folk, the couples with two penises, the religious duos, the second-timers and the all-out weirdos.”
Ellert-McDermott does assume two important things about any couple getting married and looking to say a few words: “1) you’re in love; and 2) you know that a wonderful wedding speech will add an awesome moment to your day.”
Every speech needs to have humour in it – whether or not you’re a naturally funny person, she advises. “And women need to be bolder about grabbing the mic” (Currently only 20 percent of Speechy’s clients are women, she notes.) Try to avoid white-noise adjectives like “beautiful” and soulmate,” and do not use Googled gags. Traditional wedding speeches don’t really fit the modern wedding ideal, she says – there’s no need to toast the bridesmaids, deliver eulogies to those whoe have passed, or thank guests who have travelled from a distance to celebrate your day (you should, however, always thank those guests personally).
‘One trend I’ve loved seeing take off over the last few years is joint speeches from couples. It’s a great way to kick off your marriage as a real unit.’
—HAMISH SHEPHARD
Here, we get Ellert-McDermott’s do’s and don’ts to help inspire you, your groom, or anyone who you have asked to speak for you on your wedding day to write a meaningful, humorous wedding speech.
YOUR WEDDING SPEECH CHECKLIST
Before we start gathering content, let’s look at what we want (and don’t want). This is based on a Speechy checklist that I created for our team of writers.
ENSURE
◆ Humour within the first 20 seconds
◆ A welcome that feels more than a cut-and-paste job
◆ An insight into your relationship
◆ At least one great anecdote
◆ A tribute to your partner that’s unique, honest and meaningful
◆ Thank yous that are genuinely touching
◆ Regular touches of humour throughout
◆ An emotional sucker punch and/or a killer line
As well as the ‘to do’ list, we inevitably have a ‘please, don’t’ list:
AVOID
◆ Cliches and platitudes
◆ Googled gags or wedding speech jokes
◆ Edgy humour or OTT swearing
◆ A long list of thank yous
◆ Handing out gifts
◆ A eulogy to the dearly departed
◆ Unnecessary wedding waffle
◆ Too many adjectives, not enough evidence of them
Some points seem more nebulous than others, but it’s a great list to refer to prior to writing your speech and something to check against after you’ve written your first draft.
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