There’s an assumption that won’t go away – that the wedding is the Bride’s Day. Well, sort of. But this is less and less true as grooms deal themselves into the mix.
Better still, there are decisions that are owned by the groom, and the bride can’t meddle with those.
Choosing your best man
This is absolutely none of the brides business. It may be her concern, mind you, but she will have to live with your choice of your long-time best friend, even if she finds him loud, vulgar and clueless. (But it’s on your head to review what he will say in his toast at the reception so he doesn’t sound off about your dating history or wander into other dangerous or tasteless areas. If he’s an imbiber, you’d better schedule his toast early in the proceedings.)
Choosing your attendants
The bride’s attendants are her choice and the groom’s attendants are his choice. They aren’t matched sets. The attendants’ significant others are guests and can be seated together at the reception. Don’t get talked into having the guy who’s dating the maid of honour as one of your ushers. (Although it would be politicallyprudent to invite her brother to be an usher.)
Gifts for the attendants
Unless you specifically ask for your fiancee’s input, what you buy for your attendants is your choice. She may groan when she hears that you’re shelling out for a night at a topless bar, but she’ll have to grin and bear it.
She’s marrying you, so she must have some idea about how competent you will be at the mike. But what you say has to come from your heart, not hers. And if you forget to thank the parents, so be it. You’ll have to live with the fallout.
Choosing what you will wear
You have the final say in what you and your attendants will wear. We admit, however, that a pow-wow with the bride about what her attendants are wearing is a good idea so there aren’t colour and design clashes.
Men should be heard
There are the groom’s decisions. There are the bride’s decisions. And then there are our decisions.
Together, decide on:
- Size of wedding
- Location and type of service
- Location and type of reception
- Music at the service and reception.
- Food at the reception
- Bar choices
- Who pay for what.