Once upon a time – somewhere between corsets and calling cards – someone decided that the people standing beside you on your wedding day had to match your gender. As if friendship couldn’t cross genders! Thankfully, those days are long gone. Now, your wedding party can look exactly like your life does – full of personality, connection and people who’ve seen you through it all. And if the one who’s always had your back happens to be a man, then lucky you – you’ve got yourself a man of honour.
Your man of honour can be your brother who’s known you since your gap-toothed grin days, your college roommate who coached you through heartbreak or that one friend who showed up later in life and quietly became family. Whoever he is, he’s part of your story and that’s exactly why he belongs right beside you when you say “I do.”
What the ‘he’ represents
If you’re thinking of breaking tradition and giving the title to the person who truly deserves it, here’s everything you need to know about having a man of honour in your wedding party.
Having a man stand by your side instead of a maid of honour isn’t about rewriting tradition – it’s rewriting meaning. It says that friendship and loyalty matter more than labels, and that the people who’ve shaped your heart deserve a place in the spotlight. It’s about building a wedding party that reflects your real life – the laughter, the history, the late-night talks that got you here When you include him, you’re not breaking etiquette – you’re creating space for authenticity. You’re showing that love looks different for everyone and that’s exactly what makes it beautiful.
How to ask him
When it’s time to ask your guy bestie to be your man of honour, there’s no official script. Some friendships call for big gestures – a surprise dinner, a keepsake card, maybe even a little inside-joke gift that only the two of you understand. Others are quieter: a coffee catch-up, a walk by the water or a casual “So… would you do me the honour?” that feels natural and real.
The proposal should match the rhythm of your connection. If he’s the chill, steady energy in your life, keep it simple and heartfelt. If he’s the life of every party, go all out and make it fun – maybe a personalized T-shirt, a playful “man of honour” box with his favourite whiskey or a moment that says, “We’re making history, my friend.”
The only rule? Make it honest. Tell him why this role means something to you. Tell him he’s been the calm during life’s chaotic moments or the reason you could laugh when nothing else felt funny. Because remember, it isn’t about logistics – it’s about gratitude.
The real role of a man of honour
His role can take on many of the same duties as a maid of honour but like everything else about your wedding, it’s yours to personalize. Some brides follow tradition, others write their own version. There’s no wrong way to do it.
Before the big day, he might help plan the bachelorette party, lend a hand with the bridal shower or keep bridesmaids organized through group chats and dress appointments. He can also manage travel plans, vendor updates and those small but crucial details that keep everything running smoothly.
On the wedding day, he may hold your bouquet during the ceremony, adjust your veil before photos or straighten your train before you head back up the aisle. If you have a planner, he’ll act as their point person. If not, he’s the one quietly keeping things calm behind the scenes.
Whatever his role looks like, the goal is simple – to make your day run beautifully and feel effortless.
What the man of honour should wear
Once the planning’s sorted and duties are understood, it’s time to talk style. The goal is to complement your look without turning the whole thing into a matching exercise. If he can find a suit that echoes the bridesmaid palette, amazing – but sometimes that’s easier said than done. Instead, think of subtle ways to connect the dots: a coordinating tie, a boutonnière that mirrors your bouquet or a pocket square in a similar tone.
For more relaxed celebrations, linen or light tailoring keeps things easy and elegant, while black-tie calls for a classic tux with just a touch of personality. The magic is in the balance – cohesive enough to look intentional, but never so uniform that it feels forced. When everyone looks comfortable and confident, the whole day photographs (and feels) better.
Getting ready
Where your man of honour gets ready really depends on what feels right for everyone involved. Some guys love being part of the pre-ceremony buzz – hanging out in the bridal suite, sipping mimosas, hyping up the morning playlist. Others would rather skip the curling irons and get ready with the groomsmen or family until it’s time for photos.
There’s no right or wrong setup – it’s about comfort and connection. If he’s the type who thrives in the energy of your crew, make space for him in the suite. If he prefers quiet before the chaos, have him meet you for a first look or a toast before the ceremony. The key is to create a plan that feels natural for both of you so everyone starts the day relaxed, happy and completely themselves.
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